[ Mental Health and why people SUCK]

TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, talks of mental health.

Mental health has always been a huge topic for me, i think it all started in my childhood and stemmed from there which I'm sure a lot of you could relate to.

As someone who deals with a load of mental health problems on a daily, and has seen the difference of good and bad mental health from either myself or those that are around me, it can really be hard to understand.

Let's start this with a story of a person i knew, they have BPD and let me tell you, they were genuinely the worst person i knew, not because of their BPD but because of the way they would use their disorder to be a shitty person.

I am not at all saying everyone with BPD is the same, but this is my story and i want to share it.

Our friendship actually started because we both had a falling out with this other person, they shot me a message and we started hanging out, now for months this friendship was going amazing, you wouldn't see us apart.

But all the best falling out's start with a blossoming friendship, the moment this bond started to crack was when it started to turn into more then a friendship, without my knowledge which i will get to later so remember this section.

They started sleeping naked next to me, they started showering with me, they started making out with me. And i will admit i should have stopped this before it began but i genuinely believed there was no harm being done, i was young and stupid.

You are probably questioning why i am making a whole post about this person when i admitted it wasn't just their fault, but believe me it does get so much worse.

I grew a bond with this persons family, made dinner for them, got close to their parents and siblings, even their pets. Which apparently was the problem.

We had a weird friendship do not get me wrong, it was weird to the point we spoke about our kinks, we laughed as we went into details about certain kinks, it was overall a good time, until they told me they would love if someone were to cut their name into their leg.

I'm not gonna lie, that is kinky as hell, but i would never do that, and when i told them that exact thing we laughed it off. It was all cool. Let's just say the next time we hung out my name was carved into their leg...

At this point i should have ended the friendship, i was stupid, i did not.

I am sure you are wondering what actually caused our friendship to completely break, well do you remember how i said i had a bad childhood, i won't get into it but I'm sure you understand where this is going.

I had people in my life who traumatized me and before you ask no it was neither of my parents, in fact they weren't family at all. Anyway, people getting drunk and acting erratic sends triggers, gives me PTSD.

So when this person decided to get drunk at my house after i asked them not to for that very reason, i didn't really want to be around them. They wouldn't let me leave my bedroom, they pinned me in place so i wouldn't leave their side and when i eventually got away from them we spent hours arguing, I'm talking 3am till 7am.

Without an ounce of sleep, i was PISSED. Not because they made me stay up all night to argue but because they got drunk even when i asked them not too. After that, i separated myself from them.

I did NOT ghost them, in fact i told them "hey i just need a little space right now, i will talk to you when I'm in a better headspace" which is very much how i deal with my trauma, i have always been the one to deal with it alone, because i know how to deal with it.

At first they were fine with it, until i would get around 100-200 messages, videos and voicemails a day not to mention how many times they messaged my mother and sister.

At one point i just gave up sending the same message over and over so i completely went ghost, i turned my phone completely off.

They then showed up to my house.

They rocked up to my house, and i hid.

I had to hide in the basement of my own house while my sister gave every reason as to why i wasn't there so they would leave.

I hid in my basement for 30 minutes, they still don't know.

After that, i sent them a message, asking them to leave me completely alone because i couldn't do it anymore, i couldn't keep explaining why i needed space.

That made them completely blow up, sent me paragraph after paragraph of how i was a shitty person, that i am completely nuts, they even commented on every single one of my posts on TikTok and Instagram. I had to completely block them on everything.

Now you probably forgot the part where i said "without my knowledge". Well i began speaking to the person i originally had a falling out with, and they told me "oh yeah (BLANK) said you guys were dating and you completely left them on their own" ?????

SORRY?!?!?!?!

At that point i knew i completely fucked up letting this person get as close to me as i did, letting them kiss me and such but when we started our friendship i specifically said "i do not do relationships" i was a teen who wasn't interested in love.

That genuinely was THE WORST person i ever knew. And i ever will know.